That numb feeling

     March 31, 2017 was a day that we'll not soon forget. Out of the uncertainty of a night spent in the ED with our little Ethen James emerged the shadowy certainty of a life that will be different than expected. At 8pm on March 30 while changing a diaper, I noticed Ethen's stomach was lopsided and there appeared to be a bulge on his right side near his waistline. I checked with Christie to see what she thought. In dread of having to go to the ED and waiting to be sent home, we called our general practice for advice. After confirming the unusual nature of Ethen's swelling the nurse relayed the physician's order to go to the hospital. The first few hours in the ED waiting room were spent watching Ethen play with only slight discomfort (an unusual disposition lately). Once we got into a room the waiting continued. After some hours spent in a half-stupor in the ED we took Ethen to the radiation department to receive an ultrasound of his abdomen. Back in the ED, in the wee hours of the morning the attending doctor came in to tell us that Ethen had a mass in his abdomen near his liver and right kidney. With a curious sympathy the doctor told us that we had been admitted to the hospital and had us transported to a private room. Shortly after arriving to our room the surgeon met us to introduce himself and tell us that he wanted to do a CT scan to get a better picture of the mass in Ethen's abdomen. So the nurses prepped Ethen for his CT scan by starting an IV while we force fed him some contrast solution. With a slight hiccup in the radiation room the CT scan was completed and resulted in a good image of Ethen's abdomen. Shortly after the CT scan an oncologist came in to our room to discuss the findings of the CT scan. Based on the location of the mass in Ethen's abdomen and his age the mass is suggestive of either lymphoma (deriving from lymph system) or one of three types of neuroblastoma (deriving from nervous system cells). After reassuring us that this is a treatable and curable condition, I had a numb acceptance of the fact that our life is heading in an entirely different direction than we had been planning.
     Early this coming week Ethen will have biopsies to determine the exact character of the tumor. Once we know a little more about the tumor a treatment plan will be developed and implemented in the weeks, months, and maybe years to come. We feel encouraged by the medical team working with Ethen. The lead oncologist has tons of experience, is very attentive to our concerns and questions, and has a positive outlook. 
     It's scary to realize your child has a serious medical condition. The future is always uncertain, but we feel that very tangibly now. This next week or so we will find out the plan for treatment and a little more clearly what the future holds. Please pray for Ethen's healing and for strength for his body to endure treatments. Pray for our family that we can trust in God's kindness and grace. Pray for our other two children—specifically that Christie and I can love them well and be as present as possible for them. And, honestly, thank God with us for revealing the tumor to us at this time. Ethen's health has been a large question mark for us for the past several months with various symptoms for which we were going in an entirely different direction for treatment and monitoring.